General Discussion
Most police forces reject the idea of no-go areas. However, I can report that a new Devon and Cornwall Police strategy recommends that there should be two in South Devon.
The first is Dawlish where the police now believe that the devil should look after his own. Attempts to infiltrate the town by plain clothes officers masquerading as drug addicts and alcoholics have proved unsuccessful because their cover was blown when locals noticed that uniformed police never took any action against them, no matter what crimes they committed. Meanwhile the sacrifices on The Lawn have continued unabated. Relations between the police and the town finally broke down when half a dozen black swans were elected to the town council and a peacock chosen as mayor.
More important is the case of Totnes. The report suggests that dealing with incidents involving centaurs or homeopathy can not be regarded as within the police brief. In the words of the strategy, “We consider the place to be an intrusion from another universe or a temporal anomaly, rather than part of South Devon proper. You get people arguing over exchange rates between conceptual Pieces of Eight and real Totnes Pounds or how many organic goose eggs you should give for a hand knitted quilt to protect your tree fern from frost. People walk around smiling or just sit and think. They try to bribe you with mosaic toothbrushes or painted stones and, if you refuse, they curse you. It is always disconcerting for officers to be cursed but, in Totnes, it usually results in something very unpleasant happening. At least one of our officers was turned into a handsome prince and has become even more overbearing and self-important.”
The strategy is not to be made public and nothing will appear to have changed. A specially trained team of officers and an otherwise redundant sniffer dog will continue to file incident reports and paperwork related to charges against fictional people with names chosen from the works of Charles Dickens. Another team will then arrest inarticulate, mentally-ill and homeless people to bring before the courts charged with the fictional crimes under the fictional names. Although the courts will be unaware of the deception, they will continue to convict and sentence them as normal, allowing the police to demonstrate an impressive clear-up rate.
It has been agreed with the Herald Express that the newspaper will continue to act as a vehicle for propaganda and print press releases from the police without questioning their accuracy.
Plus ça change, plus c'est la même chose, or, as we say in Devon, Sodemall.
Don Pearson.
Undiscriminating, indiscriminate, non-discriminatory.
The centaurs came over on the first exchange visit and, because they simply stayed behind, are classed as illegal immigrants. Apart from being the declared target of various "crack-downs" and "purges" they have lived contentedly in Totnes ever since. According to Inspector Calls, the crack-downs are always announced in advance in the Herald Express to make sure no-one is actually caught and thus saving a great deal of useless paperwork and police time that can be better spent drinking cups of tea.
@Don - It's your turn to grow up now. I can't believe such a scurrilous attack on the fine work that our boys in blue do day in day out. It's hard enough battling against the invasion of the centaurs and other shape-shifting entities without being mindlessly pilloried at the same time. And where's the truth in all you say. I know that Totnes can appear a little odd but comparisons with Narnia and Mordor beggar belief. Have you noticed how their eyes glow there and on occasion they all turn to face the same direction - I believe that this was the true-to-life source for John Wyndham's "Midwich Cuckoos" and the boys in blue didn't stand much of a chance there. Da-da-da-da ..... Da-da-da-da
And by the way "Do not adjust your set. We are controlling transmission". Watch your back Don. You're a marked man now.
And literally as I write this there is a police helicopter flying overhead. Not satisfied with their coup in Sidmouth they are now scouring the hills of Dawlish in search of nefarious activities to film for future programmes.
Yes, I can confirm that a chopper was overhead in Dawlish earlier this evening. In the vicinity of Sandy Lane Playing Fields/ Higher Drive.
Forget doggers.
Perhaps they'd heard about the attempt to save Sandy Lane Playing Fields from developers.
(and I've been a marked woman for years. You think I jest?)
Question 'the system' at your peril.........
Don If you like I could introduce you to areas of inner city Birmingham where you could probably see more police. You would also be introduced to aggravated burglary, sec18 woundings, car theft, firearms incidents, arson, shop theft, abductions, violent disorder etc etc. Dawlish remains a relatively crime free area and a pleasant place to live, but if you do fancy St Saviours Road in Alum rock, I' m sure there are plenty of properties available.
I am not clear what it is that you are saying. I know that this is a low crime area - that is the point.
In the late Sixties I lived in Liverpool 8 (Toxteth) and, even then, the police patrolled only in armoured land rovers like an occupying army. Subsequently, I was in London for many years. When I moved to Teignmouth, I couldn't believe that the flashing blue lights were almost always ambulances.
Don